Less venting, more happiness
Méně větrání, více štěstí. A non-technical talk at a PHP meetup, about how to clear the air at work. In Czech you “air out” a stuffy room, and a stuffy atmosphere in a team too. The short version: most of it comes down to communication.
Who I was at the time
Co-founder and CTO of Entrydo, backend programmer, mentor, hip-hop fan. The path there:
- 2007: first paid job, as a freelancer
- 2010: first employment, as a self-taught full-stack developer
- 2012: my own “advertising agency”
- 2013: first experience with a startup
- 2015: startups only from then on
What it’s about
The first version of the slide said “a summary of advice on how to have a happier and more successful life”. I crossed it out. The real goal was smaller: share personal experience and show that even a small change can have a huge impact.
The starting point: communication is the foundation. I opened with a story of what happens when you say nothing to anybody. That part was told live, so it’s only in the recording.
The problem
Have you ever missed a deadline? Here’s how it usually goes:
The trigger is an unpleasant atmosphere at work → missing motivation → missed deadlines → frustration and an unhappy life.
And underneath it, a simpler chain: I say A, I think B, I do C. Then everyone around asks: what happened to A?
Integrity
The fix is integrity: I say A, I think A, I do A. Everyone is happy.
“Lying” doesn’t pay. Think of the chain between a programmer, a salesperson and a customer, with information flowing both ways., and arrows going both ways between each of them. What one of them says reaches the others.
Tell the truth, no matter what
- Be honest, above all with yourself.
- The truth hurts, but you can adjust reality to it.
- A positive side effect: I don’t have to remember what I said.
Validation
Validation means checking, out loud, that you understand each other:
- Make sure you understand each other.
- We’re going for a common goal.
- And not, as the crossed-out last line on the slide said, “he thinks I’m an idiot”.
Feedback, or better, feedforward
Feedback has its rules. It’s very powerful, and it needs openness on both sides.
Feedforward works even better. In one definition: “Rather than providing positive or negative feedback, feed forward consists in providing future-oriented options or solutions.” It’s neutral, it’s far more effective, and you don’t have to wait until somebody asks for your opinion.
The example from the slides, about driving:
- Feedback: “You go into corners really fast and cut them.”
- Feedforward: “Try slowing down before the corner and speeding up in it, and see what it does.”
The first one describes what went wrong. The second one gives the other person something to try next time.
From personal experience
The last part was a list of lessons, each with a story behind it. The stories were told live; the lessons were:
- Behave decently.
- Be constructive.
- I can’t read your mind.
- Try it without emotions.
- Nobody is infallible. Everybody makes mistakes, you too.
- Use your head.
- Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
- Try new things.
- What can I lose? What can I gain?
The conclusion
Good communication is the key to success happiness.
